


Is This Seat Taken?

by madelinecoffee



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/M, Loner-Riley, Rucas fic, TW: Suicide Mention, not a slow burn, tw: depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-10-06 04:27:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17338592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madelinecoffee/pseuds/madelinecoffee
Summary: Rucas Senior Year AU. Riley’s a loner who doesn’t really have any friends, besides her twin brother Josh but she keeps to herself in school. Something happened the year before where she missed the 2nd half of the year but she’s back for senior year and Lucas’ heart is ready. He’s had a crush on her since he moved to Philly in 3rd grade and he’s convinced this is the year they’ll move up from the class-friends label and into something more. This is not a completely fluffy fic, I’m going to be diving into some deep shit so if that’s not your cup of tea please leave *this does  include some serious depression if it goes beyond that I will trigger warn it*





	1. Chapter 1

It was the first day of senior year and overall Lucas was feeling good about this year. He had a few solid friends and his sister, well stepsister, Maya to keep out of trouble this year but he felt up to the task. The only issue was that he couldn’t get a certain brunette out of his. Riley Matthews had been on his mind since he moved to Philly in the 3rd grade. They always been in the same class and when they got to middle school they always had at least once class together. They weren’t quite friends, but they talked in class and she smiled at him when she saw him in the hallway. Riley didn’t have friends really, everyone thought she was a great person and no one complained when they were parried up with her in class for a project. But she ate lunch alone in the library and mostly kept to herself. Lucas had been trying to get himself closer to friends with her since they got to high school but she always dodged his invitations to each lunch with him and his friends. He never really got why they weren’t anything special, just him, Zay, Josh, who was in fact her twin brother, and Maya. She knew all of them from school, and her and Maya had been friends in elementary school. But for some reason she always refused.

Last year Lucas and Riley had almost all of their classes together. As a result Riley seemed to be more comfortable with Lucas, they never hung out. But he did get her number and they talked over text often. While, it was often about school but it was talking nonetheless. He had a crush on her for what felt like forever and had been working on asking her out right before they went on winter break, but she was absent that day and she didn’t return for the reminder of the year. He asked Josh about it once and Josh got really quiet which was unusual for him. It took him a few minuets to answer Lucas but he just told him,

“Riley’s working through some stuff so she’s doing online school for now.”

“Okay? But why don’t I ever see her when I’m over? I’d really like to catch up with her” Lucas had tried to probe for more information but Josh had once again brushed him off saying,

“She’s been staying with my Uncles Eric and Jack for a while, so that’s probably why you haven’t seen her.”

After that Lucas just dropped it not wanting to upset his friend, but he always kept a look out for the brunette. And today seemed to be his lucky day, on his way into his first class he spotted her. She sat by the window near the middle with an empty seat next to her though she looked a little different. Her hair was shorter and the tips of it were purple, she had on some overalls with a floral undershirt. Lucas thought she looked beautiful he plopped down next to her and with his most charming smile asked,

“Is this seat taken?” Riley jumped a bit being taken out of her thoughts

“Oomph! Oh hi!” She tried to sound cheerful but Lucas could tell something was off, “Yeah, I mean no.” Riley shook her head, “No it’s not taken, yeah you can sit there Lucas”

Lucas beamed and Riley gave him a small smile in return, “Where have you been? I missed you last year” Lucas inquired as he pulled out his notebook noticing Riley already had hers open with a purple pen next to it

Riley looked out the window for a moment before turning back to him, “Oh yeah, um. I was dealing with some stuff so I just did online school.”

Lucas nodded, “Yeah that’s what Josh said when I asked him about you.”

Riley gave him a curious look, “You asked about me?”

Lucas chucked again and nudged her, “Of course”

Before Riley could ask another question class had started

As they were packing up Lucas turned to Riley, “Where you going next?” In reply she just handed him her schedule, “No fucking way”

“What!” Riley asked a twinge of panic in her voice

“We literally have the same schedule, what a world.” Lucas smiled at her brightly and he noticed she looked slightly relived

“Do you…do you want to sit next to me for our classes?” Riley asked shyly fidgeting with the rings on her fingers

“I would love nothing more, and that way when we have to partner up for stuff we can just be partners!” Lucas smiled as the tension in Riley’s form eased out and her face broke into a mega-watt grin. Ooop and there’s the reason I haven’t dated anyone else, Riley Matthews still has my heart.

“Thanks Lucas”  
–

Most of their classes had consisted of syllabus and then getting to know those around you so Lucas and Riley had talked and talked. He teased her slightly about not being in school but when he saw how tense she became about it, he stopped. She asked him about Maya and his parents. They talked and it seemed to Lucas they were having a great time, until it was time for lunch.

“Hey Riley, do you want to uh eat lunch with me and the gang?” Lucas asked rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Riley gave him a soft thoughtful look, “Not today, cafeteria is way to crazy the first couple of days. But ask me again next week and I might say yes.”

Lucas smiled, happy to be given even a bit of hope. “Where are you going to go?”

“Oh, the photo-lab I have some film I want to develop” Riley pulled out five film canisters as Lucas chuckled

“But you’re not even in photo this year?”

Riley nodded, “That’s because I’ve taken all the photo classes they have, but Mrs. M loves me so she lets me come in whenever.”

Lucas nodded, he wanted to hug her before they parted but he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, he knew his own feelings but I didn’t want to force them on the poor girl. So he held out his fist for fist bump, which Riley chuckled at as she bumped it and they went their separate ways.

–-  
As soon as Lucas plopped down for lunch he started filling the gang in on his day.

“Guys, and Maya. You’ll never believe who I have all my classes with this year!” Lucas explained looking a lot like an over-excited puppy

Josh smirked, “Would that be my womb-mate?”

Zay gave a look, “Huh?”

Maya rolled her eyes and she chuckled at Josh’s joke, “Riley, you doofus.”

“Oh…OH!” Zay’s eyes perked up as he wiggled his eyebrows at Lucas, “So this is your year man? Going to finally get the girl you’ve been pinning at since you moved here?”

Lucas’ face and ears grew red, “I have not been pinning.” The entire group gave him a look. “Okay fine maybe I have, but this is our year man! We sit next to each other in all of our classes and I told her that if we have to partner up for anything that we’d be automatic partners.”

Lucas saw Josh give a sigh of relief, “That man is awesome, I mean for you because I know you love my sister-“ Lucas tried to cut him off but Josh just kept talking, “But Riley was worried about that especially after missing the last half of the year.”

Zay nodded, “Yeah you never did tell us where she went?” Zay asked with a mouth full of food

Josh stiffened, and Lucas got a flash of Riley having the same reaction eelier, “Because its Riley’s business not mine. If she wants me to tell you, which I doubt she does, I will. But until then y’all can fuck off.”

Maya laughed, “Y’all? You’ve been spending to much time with Lucas”

“Hey!” Lucas whined, “Sorry I lived in Texas until 3rd grade. You all have weird accents to they just seem normal because of where we live.”

Maya chuckled, “Okay Bucky-McBoing-Boing”

–  
In the darkness of the photo lab Riley worked to roll her film into the canisters and took a moment to breathe deeply. This was going to be a good year she was determined. It had already started off well because Lucas was in all her classes. She felt herself smile as she thought of him; he had always made her heart warm ever since he moved here in 3rd grade. And he somehow wanted to be her automatic partner, now that was a dream come-true, no worrying about who she would pair up with in classes or who she would sit next to. It would always be Lucas. As she finished rolling the last one and closed the container the bell rang and she headed back out into the light and onto the rest of her classes for the day

–  
The rest of the day went smoothly for Lucas and Riley, they were laughing and smiling and Riley felt comfortable talking with him. When they were walking to the parking lot Lucas started to fidget with his pack-back as he asked Riley, “Would you like a ride home? It’s just me and Maya in the Jeep and I’m sure she’d love to see you again.”

Riley gave him a soft smile, “Thanks but Josh and me are driving together, I um have an appointment to get to. But I’ll see you tomorrow!” She started to walk away but as soon as she got a few steps she turned back around and gave him a hug.

With both their heights her face laid gently in the crook of his neck and her breathe tickled him as she whispered, “Thanks for making today less scary”

 

And like that she was gone, he stood there for a moment dumb-founded until Maya smacked him lightly on the back of the head.

“Boy, you got it bad.”


	2. Chapter 2

It’s the beginning of the second week of school and Maya’s teasing of Lucas has only got worse, but to be fair he’s giving her a lot to tease him on. The past week Riley had told Lucas she liked his blue flannel shirt and the boy has worn blue everyday since then. And though today he is not wearing blue, he’s shirt is purple because that’s Riley’s favorite color. Evident both from the dyed tips of her hair as well as the purple pen she always seems to write with. Zay’s joined in on the teasing as well making fun of the way Lucas gets “heart eyes” every time he sees the brunette. The only one who hasn’t really teased him is Josh, sure he’ll make the occasional comment but in general he seems happy about the growing friendship between the two. Josh is very aware that Lucas has feelings for Riley, and when Lucas asks how Riley feels about him Josh is always tight-lipped. But right now that doesn’t matter because their English teacher wants the class to work on their communication skills so the two of them are chatting like those around them.

Riley’s fidgeting with her rings and pulling her cloth head-band more around her ears as the class grows with noise for a moment before she asks him, “What’s your favorite memory from when you were a kid?”

Lucas smiles, “Hm while one summer in middle school I birthed a horse.”

Riley looks up and gives him a dumb-struck look, “What?”

Lucas laughs, “I was visiting Pappy-Joe and Sophia was foaling, she was having her baby and the vet came over but I helped through the whole thing. It was awesome” He’d love to tell her more details but they’re in a room full of sweaty students and he can tell that she’s feeling uncomfortable by all her fidgeting.

Though her expression is nothing short of excited, “That’s amazing Lucas! Did you get to name the foal?”

Lucas nodded, “I did I name her Sunshine”

Riley smiles, “I like that name, I’ve always wanted a pet but we’ve never gotten one. But I might get one for, oh um never mind” She does this sometimes he notices, she starts to tell him something that he’s sure will fill in the puzzle that is Riley Matthews but then for some reason she stops herself and flushes embarrassed.

“It’s okay you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to” He offers her a smile and he sees her take a sigh of relief

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, talking to you is surprisingly easy but I’m just not ready yet. Despite what my rambling nature thinks” She smiles softly at him and Lucas thinks his heart stops for a second. It’s almost time for lunch and Lucas needs to ask her before he looses his nerves.

“So you told me last week you might say yes if I ask again…” Riley can see the hope blooming on Lucas face as he gets his question out, “Would you like to have lunch with the gang and me?” He sees her hesitate before she nods

“I would like to, but um” She bites her lip and Lucas knows she’s working to form her sentence correctly, “I get nervous in large crowds and uh the cafeteria is uh really crowded.”

Lucas nods this is something he’s always noticed about Riley she gets twitchy and looks like a caged animal in large crowds, “That’s okay you can just stick with me”

Riley nods and they make their way to the cafeteria but before they can enter he sees the panic in her posture without thinking he offers her his hand

“So we don’t get separated, I promise I’ll be right by you” she nods and interlaces their fingers. If Lucas wasn’t so caught up in how perfect her hand seems to fit in his and the tingle going up his arm he wouldn’t have missed the gasp Riley makes and the way she stares at his hand in awe.

Before either can dwell for to long Lucas starts walking and Riley sticks to his side he sits down with Riley right next to him still holding his hand. It’s a matter of moments before Josh plops down next to Riley, all in all he doesn’t seem surprised to see her there. He wiggles his eyebrows at her and she scoffs at him. Riley goes to push him only to realize that Lucas is still holding her hand, or she’s still holding his she’s not sure which way it really is but she reluctantly lets go and shoves her twin.

“Shut –Up Josh.”

He puts his hands up, “I didn’t say anything!”

She rolls her eyes as Lucas watches their interaction noticing the lack of tension in her posture, “You didn’t have to your stupid face said it all!”

Before Josh can comment back Maya and Zay sit down both wiggling their eyebrows at Lucas

Lucas ignores them and re-introduces Riley, “You guys remember Riley right?”

Maya smiles warmly, “Of course she was my Honey in 4th grade!”

Riley laughs, “That’s right and I called you Peaches. Can’t remember why though”

Zay nods at her, “Yeah I remember you and of course Lucas won’t stop talking about you so it’s like I still know you.” Zay flinches as Lucas kicks him under the table

Riley gives Lucas a soft look, “You talk about me?”  
“Noooo” Lucas tries to play it off cool but his friends rat him out with a loud “Yes!” That causes Riley to blush and put her head down a little

Josh smirks as he adds, “If it helps you feel any better Lucas Riley hasn’t stopped talking about you either”

Riley shoots him a look of horror “I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE” Lucas can tell that Riley is really upset by Josh saying this her posture is tight and she won’t look at any of them.

Lucas brushes a little bit of her hair back to get a look at her face, “Hey I’m flattered you talk about me at all, I’m not much to talk about”

Riley scoffs at him but nods and whispers a thanks

The group goes back to their conversation but it’s not hard to see the daggers Riley is still sending her brother’s way

–  
Riley brings it up to him on their car ride home, “I still can’t believe you told him that Josh! God!”

Josh just rolls his eyes, “You’re both pinning for each other and its painful, and I’m just trying to move you two along a little faster.”

Riley shakes her head, “He doesn’t even know about The Thing though.”

Josh nods, “Well you can lead him to The Thing, just start by telling him some stuff about it and see where it goes. Take the first step I know you like him. Just ask him out, I know he’ll say yes.”

Riley hums and spends the rest of the ride staring out the window

–-  
The rest of the week seems to go by smoothly Riley and Lucas continue talking and they occasionally text. As their packing up for the end of the day Friday Riley’s not sure what comes over her but she grabs Lucas’ hand again to get his attention and drops her question,

“Would you like to get a coffee with me tomorrow? Like on a…on a date?”


	3. Chapter 3

Lucas stares at her shocked for a moment before he can do anything other than breathe but once it settles in that Riley is asking him on a date all he can do is frantically nod as he figures out how to use his voice. She’s smiling softly at him as he nods and when he does get his voice to work it cracks as he manages a “Yes”, before he clears his throat and tries again “I would love to go on a date with you Riley.” Riley beams up at him they decide on 11 am at Blue Max’s they’re walking out of school before it dawns on Lucas that they never decided on transportation or if they were going to meet there. This entire time Riley’s been back he’s never seen her drive, Josh always does. But he thinks he remembers her having a white Toyota, but all he’s seen was Josh driving and it wasn’t the Toyota. “Do you want me to pick you up for our date?” Lucas can’t help but smile as he says date but his nervousness shows through as he rubs his neck Riley looks at him for a moment and he sees panic flash through her before she shoves it down. “I would love it if you would pick me up” Josh is giving her a look from the car and Maya is giving Lucas his own look as well, so before Lucas has time to fully react she hugs him tight and jogs away to Josh When Lucas gets over to the car Maya’s giving him a weird look, “What’s wrong with your face?” “What?” “Your face, you look like someone injected you with happy serum or something I don’t know. But you’re smiling way to much” “Oh well Riley just asked me out” He states with glee as he starts up the car “WHAT!” Maya shrieks as he pulls out of the parking lot –- It’s the next day and Topanga is helping Riley get ready for her date by offering her support “You’ve liked Lucas forever, and he was always such a nice boy, I’m sure it will go well” Topanga smiles warmly at her daughter while he daughter gives her a look  
“Mom I’m sure it will, Lucas has always been the nicest and from what Josh, Maya and Zay say he likes me a lot. I’m not worried about it being a nice time. I just, it’s our first date. And I want it to be perfect.” Topanga nods, “You know what Joanne says about building things up to be perfect in your head sweetie.” Riley nods, “And that’s the other thing! I have told him about any of that! Or The Thing. And I don’t think I’m ready to fully but I want him to know some and god Mom now I’m stressed out! Maybe I should just cancel!” Riley makes a move to grab her phone, but Topanga grabs her instead With a fierce look in her eye Topanga talks to her daughter, “Riley this could really be the start of something beautiful but that means you have to give it a chance. You don’t have to tell him about The Thing, but you could tell him about some things that are a result of The Thing or some things that caused it. But whatever you decide is up to.” Before Riley can respond the doorbell rings, Riley jumps up smooths out her dress and runs down the stairs, but when she opens her door it’s only her Uncles. “Uncle Eric! Uncle Jack! What are you doing here?” Riley deflates< Both of her Uncles smile, “We’re here to meet Lover-Boy” Eric states proudly “We’re also here to offer our favorite niece support as she goes on her first date.” Jack stated as he nudged his husband while Eric nodded, “Yeah that too” Before Riley could say anymore the doorbell rang again, “That had better not be Aunt Morgan and Aunt Morgan.” She stated as he gave them a look. But standing on the other side of the door was Lucas holding a bouquet of flowers wearing blue jeans, his boots, and the flannel she had complimented him on before. He completely lost his breath as she opened the door. She had a bun on top of her head but most of her hair was down, and she was wearing a purple dress that flared above her knees out with a pair of converse. He handed her the flowers while he tried to close his jaw, “You look wow” Riley giggled prettily at him, “Thank you, and come in for a second so I can put these in water” Lucas nodded as he stepped in not expecting the three Matthews men to be staring him down. Jack started, “If you hurt that little bean so help us god-“ “We will end you and hide your body so no one can find it-“ Eric continued “And make your disappearance look like an accident, but that won’t be a problem will it Lucas.” Cory finished “No sirs” Lucas answered confidently Riley shot daggers at her family as she walked back in, “You guys stop.” Lucas chuckled as he grabbed her hand, “Don’t worry they’re only looking out for you. You ready to go?” Riley nodded, ”Yeah all my stuffs in my pockets! Look this dress has pockets!” As if to prove her point she put her hand that wasn’t holding his in her pocket and smiled at him as he beamed down at her –- Riley was having a wonderful time, he had opened the door to his car for her and helped her in, he bought her coffee even though she argued, and he was holding her hand occasionally running his thumb over her knuckles. They had been talking about everything and nothing for the past couple of hours and Riley couldn’t stop smiling. The coffee shop was small but cozy, there weren’t too many people around and the noise wasn’t overwhelming. They had talked about some important topics, like how Pluto was still a planet and how they both loved animals but Riley wanted to fill Lucas in on some things. She drew at the same courage she used when she asked him out, “Lucas there’s something I want to tell you, it’s kind of serious” Lucas gestured for her to continue, “So I really like you and I really want whatever this is to continue-“ “Me too” Lucas butted in for reassurance “But there’s a few things you should know about me before that. Um for one I hate large crowds and loud noises.” Lucas nodded he knew things just from watching her, “And um. I’m really really really insecure, I don’t mean to be and my family tells me there’s no reason to be but I often feel out of place and inadequate.” “Oh Riley” Lucas comforted squeezing her hand but letting her continue “That’s why I don’t always eat with you guys, it’s overwhelming. And why I’m so glad you’re my automatic partner because the idea of choosing someone freaks me out. Though I’d choose you anytime, over anyone.” “Me too, thanks for telling me Riley. But I had already kinda figured out the first two.” Riley gave him a curious look, “How?” Lucas turned bashful, “Well you’ve been like that since we were kids, and uh I watched you a lot. Not in like a creepy way but in like a—I liked you way. And as for you being insecure, it’s okay. If I have to remind you everyday how perfect you are, I will” The two smiled at each other with their hands on the table as Lucas spoke again, “Since we’re sharing secrets, um I kind of have a temper. When I was younger pre-moving here I had some serious anger stuff and um at the start of high school it came back and I went to therapy for it. Which has helped a lot, and I box on the sides now to work off some of the anger. But I just wanted you to know.” “Thanks for telling me that Lucas, and if you ever need to talk about it. You know I’m your girl right?” Lucas nodded, “I do” There was a pause where Lucas debated with himself if he was really going to do it but before he could fully process it, it was out of his mouth. “I know it’s our first date and everything, but would you be my girl all the time?” Riley cocked her head to the side, “Like your-your?” “Girlfriend” Lucas finished smiling “YES!” Riley shouted as she launched herself across the table to hug him –- On Monday none of their friends were surprised that the two were officially dating after only one date. They’d been pinning a lot. But the girls of their high school did not seem to like the idea, and Riley noticed. All sorts of girls had been trying to date Lucas since middle school and nothing, Riley Matthews goes on one date with him and they end up dating? Riley brought it up with the group as they ate lunch that Monday, “All these girls won’t stop giving me the death glare and it’s giving me the heebie jeebies.” Maya nodded, “Yeah I heard a bunch of them talking in the bathroom about it, I told them to mind their own damn business. You two make each other happy, it’s that simple.” Riley gave her a grateful smile Lucas piped in before Riley could respond, “No one’s said anything, mostly because I doubt they would say anything to you and we’re always together. But I can feel their daggers” Lunch continued on as normal and as did their school days. Riley and Lucas would go on dates and outings on Saturdays; sometimes they’d go with the group sometimes Riley would ditch Lucas just to hang out with Maya. But after a few weeks things settled down in their personal lives and things seemed good. –- It was early October now and school had really picked up, it seemed to the gang that their teachers had all gotten together and assigned projects and papers. Lucas knew it was stressing Riley out because she had made a few comments on it, and he could tell she was drawing into herself. But mostly she seemed fine, she came to school went to class they held hands and sometimes they kissed at her locker. She seemed mostly fine if not a little more tense than usual that are why it surprised Lucas when she wasn’t at school on Friday. She had texted him, “Hey Blue” which was her pet-name for him considering how much blue he wore, “I won’t be at school today, I’m not feeling right. Could you take good notes for me and get my work?” Complete with three purple hearts Lucas went over on Friday after school with Josh to drop it off. Her door sign said she was taking a nap so he and Josh went to play video games downstairs as he waited for his girlfriend to wake up. They were having a good time until they heard a crash from upstairs.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains self harm and an anxiety attack, just a heads up.

Without even looking at each other the boys bolted upstairs to Riley’s room where the source of the crash came from. When they came in they were completely unprepared for the scene that lay before them.  
Riley was red in the face sobbing throwing things every which way, Lucas ducked before her notebook could hit his head. Josh tried to intervene on her rampage,  
“Riley what’s wrong?”

“It’s not working! There’s too much and it’s not perfect. It needs to be perfect! Where’s my lighter?”

Josh got a look of horror across his face, “Riley no.”

Lucas snapped into action trying to get close to her but for every step he took forward she took one back. He spoke in his gentlest tone, “Riley shh we can fix whatever it is. Okay?”

Riley was looking around frantically, “No we can’t! It’s not perfect and it doesn’t work and it just. No. I need the lighter Josh.”  
Josh was stern, “Riley no.”

She started to scream again grabbing at papers on her desk, “I NEED IT”  
Josh took a deep sigh, “Lucas you have to grab her. Grab her and make sure her arms are contained. We have to take her downstairs”  
Lucas looked stricken but before he could move Riley was screaming again and ripping the papers in her hands, “NO. I NEED TO MAKE IT PERFECT; I NEED TO GET AN A. PLEASE. IT HURTS” There was no more paper for her to rip or throw so Riley had started to scratch at her arms crying harder and shaking.  
Josh got stern “Lucas grab her now. I’ll call my parents. But we need to get her out of here.”

Lucas nodded and went for her just as she was reaching for the chair she was kicking at him crying for him “NO BLUE PUT ME DOWN I NEED TO FIX IT. PUT ME DOWN. NO I NEED TO STAY” He held her close to his chest arms wrapped tightly around her torso so her arms couldn’t scratch anymore.  
She was still crying when he got her down her chest heaving up and down, “Blue, it wasn’t perfect. I couldn’t get it right.”  
Lucas nodded; “I know Riley it’s okay, shh it’s okay” Riley had stopped struggling against him but she was still crying and one of the scratches on her arms was bleeding from where she scratched it. Lucas sat down on the couch and Riley turned in his arms, he rubbed her back soothingly making shushing sounds and telling her it was okay.

He wasn’t completely sure what had happened but it was something with what looked like their English paper not being perfect, and he just knew that she was upset and needed comfort, he would get all the details later.

“It hurts Blue” Riley whimpered into his chest  
“What does?” Lucas asked using his softest voice

“My head, and my eyes. And where my arm is bleeding” Riley whimpered

“When Josh comes down we’ll take care of your arm okay, just breathe okay?” Riley nodded her eyes dropping down. Just as Lucas said that Josh was down with the first-aid kit

“Alright Riley, Mom and Dad are on their home okay? You know how it goes, until Mom or Dad gives the all clear you cannot go into your room.” Josh told her gently his voice completely from the stern command he gave her earlier

In a small voice she answered, “Okay” Lucas gave Josh a questioning look at the already establish procedure, Josh motioned that he would fill him in later.  
“Let me see your arm Bunny.” Riley held it out and Lucas watched as Josh cleaned it and put a Cuddle Bunny Band-Aid on it. “There you go a Bunny Band-Aid for my Bunny”

Riley gave an exhausted puff, “You only call me that when it’s bad Josh. Is it bad?”

Before Josh could respond Lucas cut in, “Shhh we’re not focusing on that. Let’s focus on something good okay?”

Riley hummed, “Okay Blue tell me something good”

Before Lucas could reply, a frantic Cory and Topanga burst through the door,  
“Riley! Are you hurt on the outside?” Cory asked first crouching down to give her a once over

“Just on my arm, but Josh gave me a Cuddle Bunny Band-Aid for the cut, he wouldn’t give me the lighter. And before I could throw the chair Lucas brought me down here” Riley answered in a tired small voice  
“My boys did good” Topanga said coming over with a glass of water she sat on the table in front of them putting down the glass and petting Riley’s hair. Riley sighed and leaned closer to Lucas. “Here Riley drink some water hun okay?”

Lucas got the water and helped Riley drink it, “Okay how are we feeling now?” Cory asked as he watched her.  
“I just feel tired, I just want…I want” Riley closed her eyes and tried to get her thoughts together “I want to watch a sappy movie”

Lucas kissed her head and her parents spoke up, “Sure sweetie, what movie?”  
“Can we watch the Holiday?” Riley asked her voice still small, Lucas heart hurt she seemed so frail in this moment sitting on his lap snuggled against him her face streaked with tears, her eyes red and puffy, her face blotchy.

“That sounds perfect, I can stay as long as you need Riley okay?” Lucas told her

Cory and Topanga gave him grateful looks as did Josh, the movie was put on and Riley turned slightly to see the movie but did not move up from Lucas’ lap. Her parents ordered pizza after the movie was over, Lucas made sure Riley ate some even though she claimed she didn’t want any she couldn’t resist Lucas. The only time she left Lucas’ lap was when she went to the bathroom and Topanga went with her, which didn’t seem odd to anyone but Lucas.  
While she was in the bathroom Josh gave Lucas some pajamas to change into so he could be more comfortable, when Riley came back out they matched.  
Her voice was raw as she snuggled back up to him, “We match because these are old Christmas pajamas.”

They watched the Princess Bride and before long Riley had fallen asleep soundly snuggled in Lucas’ lap gripping his shirt.  
Riley’s family asked if he wanted to put Riley guest room for the night or if he needed to go home, but Lucas had Josh fill in his parents and inform them he was staying the night. He didn’t want to leave Riley in this stare or risk waking her, for that the Matthews were grateful.  
By the time the movie was over both Lucas and Riley were sound asleep, Josh had gone up halfway through. Topanga covered both of them with a big blanket and kissed both of them on the head.

“Get some rest you two, you’ll need it for tomorrow.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for invasive thoughts and suicide attempts

When Lucas woke up it took him a minuet to remember where he was, and when he realized that Riley wasn’t in his arms he frantically stood up about to go searching for her when she came down the stairs in leggings and a sweatshirt. He hair was all over the place and her face still looked like she had been crying, but she was there in front of him and although she was fidgeting under his gaze she looked calm.

Before either said anything he walked over and took her into his arms her head going into his neck as he kissed the top of her head.  
“I was worried when you weren’t with me when I woke up” Lucas told her his voice raspy he felt her nod against him but she didn’t say anything. They stood wrapped in each others arm for a moment before Riley spoke up her voice still small,  
“I know I have a lot of explaining to do but I’m supposed to eat breakfast with everyone the morning after my uh, fit”

Lucas squeezed her again, “Whatever you need to do we’ll do.”  
When they got to the kitchen Topanga and Cory were already making breakfast and Josh was entering the room. All the teens offered to help they had Riley make the coffee and Josh with Lucas set the table. Though the boys were instructed to not give Riley a knife at her place.  
Topanga made French toast, one of Riley’s favorites but she seemed reluctant to eat anything picking at her food until Lucas took over and started feeding her.  
He cut the bread up small for her and after he fed her the first few bites she started eating on her own.

Her family looked grateful, “You’re a real godsend Lucas. Usually the couple of days after we can’t Riley to eat anything. But it seems like she’ll do just about anything for you” Cory teased

“Dad stop” Riley said her voice still soft but with a twinge of embarrassment

Soon the meal was finished Riley offered to clear but Topanga interjected,  
“Riley you know you can’t handle the knives right now.” Topanga interjected with a loving tone, “Why don’t you go in the basement and talk with Lucas? I’m sure he has many questions. And if you need us we’ll be right here”

“Okay mom” Riley responded hugging her mom before grabbing Lucas’ hand and brining him downstairs

Together on the soft couch Riley took a deep breathe her voice seemed steadier and she had a determination in the way she spoke, “In order to um understand yesterday you kind have um have to know the whole story. And um I haven’t really told anyone other than Joanne, my therapist, this before”

Lucas nodded, “Go at your own pace, and if you need to stop or need something from me tell me.”  
Riley nodded as she pulled Lucas into her story,

“The first time I tried to kill myself was in middle school, we were in 7th grade. We had a project due in a few days and it wasn’t working out how I wanted, and I just felt like everybody’s lives would be better if I weren’t in them. I was sitting on the monkey bars and I just thought if I fall off and my neck brakes, I won’t have to be perfect anymore and no one will have to deal with me. So I leaned off and fell down, I broke my left arm badly and got a concussion. God there was so much blood I almost threw up, it was awful.” Riley closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the couch

“I remember that” Lucas jumped in, “But you were back the next day?”

Riley nodded, “I was. I didn’t tell anyone that’s why I fell off, I was embarrassed I had failed and worried that it would be taken the wrong way. Everyone was already being so careful with me and my broken arm I couldn’t imagine what would happen if they knew the truth. So I went about my life trying and failing to be perfect.” A tear slipped out and Riley quickly wiped it away, “All I ever wanted was for everything to be perfect. I built up this idea of what things should be in my head and how they should be. And when they don’t add up, when I don’t add up I loose it.”

Lucas nodded and kissed her hand; she seemed lost to her own thoughts so he let her continue.

“It got worse in my head after that, there were voices like mine but not that told me I wasn’t reaching the perfect standard I had built for myself, that everyone was watching and judging. That people knew I had tried and failed to kill myself and they were embarrassed for me. I’ve always hated crowds and loud noises, but it just got worse as this went on. I was exhausted and sad all the time, but I kept smiling hoping no one would question me. I kept insane hours as middle school ended and high school began, I worked crazy hard on all my projects. If they didn’t turn out how they wanted I’d burn them and start again, letting the lick of the flame almost touch my fingers. Because they were terrible, they weren’t perfect and I wanted to never see them again.”

Lucas interjected, “That’s why you wanted the lighter, to burn your English”

Riley nodded coming back a bit, “After the Thing Josh took my lighter. My family didn’t know any of this was going because I worked hard to hide it. I was a good kid they didn’t suspect anything was wrong until last year when shit hit the fan”

Lucas heart hurt from hearing her go through all that pain alone but he knew she wasn’t done and he knew he had to remain strong for her, she was still lost in the world of her memories. Her voice sounded odd and far away but determined to make it through.

“Things kept getting worse and on top of all the ideals I was failing to meet in school I started to hate how I looked. I was so miserable every day, I had an idea that I needed to be perfect and I wasn’t doing it or getting there. Then I had a really bad day at school; I didn’t sleep the night before because I was working on a project late. And when I got to school someone was bragging about how easy it had been. And I ate lunch alone, and I just felt so worthless and sad. It was like I couldn’t be perfect and it didn’t seem like anyone cared anyway so why not just disappear? I was driving home when I thought about ramming my car into a tree, but then I thought of the monkey bars and wondered what if I failed again? Then everyone would know.”

Lucas’ heart was breaking, this wonderful girl thought so little of herself. He was more determined than ever to support her and love her anyway he could. His world would be shattered without her.

“So when I got home I found all the pills I could and the biggest knife I could. I took them all to my room. I wrote a short note and swallowed all the pills. My mom walked in to let me know diner was ready when she was all the bottles. I grabbed the knife before she could grab me and sliced my stomach across and then I tried to run and lock myself in the bathroom. But then it all happened so fast, my dad was there and Josh was there. And I was on the ground and there was so much blood just like the monkey bars and everyone was crying and screaming. I can’t remember all of it after she walked in just flashes of different moments.”  
Riley and Lucas both had tears running down their faces but Riley was still in a trance as Lucas held her tight to him.  
“I started to fade out and I thought, Finally no more pain. But then I woke up to the florescent lights of the hospital. Once I got out of there they put me into in-patient treatment for depression and anxiety. That’s why I missed so much school I could barley function without hating myself. God at first I hated it; I didn’t want to be there. For a while I wouldn’t see any of my family because I hated that they put me there. But slowly I started coming around to see that I didn’t want to die that I wanted to get better. I still see my therapist we’re down to once a week or we were I’ll probably go back up. But I’m getting better”

Lucas kissed her head and wiped at her tears, “Thank god”

“I still want to be perfect Lucas, and I’m sorry I’m not. And I’m sorry that it got to me yesterday. When I was Joanne told me it might be a good idea after school Thursday she said it might be a good idea to take the day off, but I shouldn’t have taken it alone because then it’s me and my thoughts and some days I’m not strong enough to combat them” At that Riley started to sob again and Lucas held her tight to him as he comforted her, it took a bit but he got her calmed down enough to talk again.  
“If-if you don’t want to be my boyfriend anymore, I understand” Riley told him softly

Lucas gave her a dumbfounded look, ”How could you think that?”

She shrugged and avoided eye contact, “I’m still working on it Lucas. I still don’t want to be here some days, and I freak out when things don’t align because it makes me feel worthless. And there are also just things I can’t do for now. I can’t drive, I can’t use knives for a while, after I break up my room I can’t even go and fix it because it makes me break all over again. I’m broken Lucas andddd now that you know I don’t want to make you stay.”

Lucas shook his head, “Riley. I know you think need to perfect, but you don’t have to be. I know you’re working on it. But that’s just it Riley you’re working on it. You’re making that choice and if I have to spend the rest of forever helping you work on it I will. And I know our friends will to, in their own way” He leaned over and kissed her softly and soundly until she had to pull away to breathe

“You are wonderful and you’re going to get through this and be even stronger than before”. Lucas promised her sincerely shinning through his eyes “Okay?”

“Okay” she nodded softly and snuggled back into him. Lucas was still reeling from everything she told him but a lot was starting to make sense. He kissed her head and sat with her letting the silence surround them.

(If you feel like you need help please contact the national suicide hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or literally any of just please get the help you need. I’ve been there and it’s hard, but remember you’re not alone)


	6. Chapter 6

After a lot of convincing from Riley and a promise for her to call him when she was going to bed and text him after her bath Lucas was home taking a shower and figuring out what he wanted to do next. He still felt overwhelmed with all the information Riley had told him, and it made him worry more about her than he had before. He always knew she was nervous and pretty insecure but he didn’t know it went that deep.

He shook his head again as he came down his parents where in the family room chatting, he hesitated for a moment but he went over to tell them what was going on. He had called his dad to give him the jest of what was going on so they didn’t worry. He loved his parents though the woman he called mom was his step-mom it didn’t matter to him, his birth mother had walked out when he was born, as did Maya’s dad. It was something both of them struggled with and as a result their parents made sure they had a tight-knit family.

Lucas plopped down in the chair by them, “Hey guys, thanks for letting me stay over at the Matthews last night”  
Lucas dad patted him on the knee, “Of course son we trust you and from what you said on the phone Riley needed you who are we to stop the future Mrs. Friar from getting support”

Lucas turned red, “Dad! Stop!”

Lucas’ Mom laughed, “Luke honey, he’s just teasing. But what was going on with Riley that she needed you to stay over?”

Lucas mom looked worried he big blue eyes boring into his soul as Lucas felt hot tears boiling in his throat, “Um well, I’ll give you the short version because it’s just easier.” Both Lucas’ parents nodded, “So Riley’s been struggling with major depression and anxiety for like, ever. And she had a big break down last night and I didn’t feel right leaving her like that. Even though she had her family she wanted me”

Both Lucas’ parents shared a look, “I feel like there’s more” Lucas mom said

“Um she tried to commit suicide last year, that’s why she missed so much school”

“Oh honey” Lucas mom came over and gave him a big hug while Lucas saw his Dad making his deep thinking face

“Lucas, what ever that sweet girl needs from you. You be there for her, I don’t care if you spend the night with her. Or she needs to spend the night here, or she needs to take the day off and needs someone with her. You be that person Luke. I am clear” Lucas’ Dad gave him in a tone that left no argument

“Yes Sir”

“Good, you probably don’t remember this but back when your mother and I first started dating I was going through something similar and she was really my rock. Because she was just herself around me, and when I needed someone she was there. I know you love Riley-“

“-Dad”

But Lucas’ dad was on a role, “And you want to be there for her, so I’m giving you permission to do so. I’m proud of you son” Lucas hugged both his parents feeling incredibly thankful to end up with them as the adults in charge of him.

Just then his phone buzzed with a text from Riley, “Do you want to go on a walk with me?”  
“I’d love to <3” Lucas responded quickly  
–  
Riley’s hair was French braided when he came to pick her up, her face still looked tired but she looked pleased to see him. She gave him a big hug before grabbing his hand

“Hi Blue” Lucas smiled he loved that she had a love name for him, she always said it softly like it was something precious

“Hi, what made you want to go for a walk?”

“Well my parents are getting into my room and I just can’t be in the house when they do it, it just upsets me so much.” Lucas nodded, “I also just wanted to talk to you about something”

“Shoot”

“Well, I was um kind of wanting to tell Maya and Zay about my issues. But um, I don’t want to tell them the whole story. But they’re my friends and I want them to get it a little bit?”

Lucas nodded, “Yeah you want them to be in the loop, it’ll also make more sense since Maya lives with me and if I’m sneaking off at night to give you cuddles she gets it a little more. Oh that reminds me, my dad basically gave me a pass to stay with you whenever you need. Like if you’re staying home or you need cuddles because you’re upset whatever”

Riley perked up, “Really? That’s so sweet of him; I haven’t seen your parents in forever. Do you think I could meet them again soon?”  
Lucas leaned over and kissed her nose, “Of course, but back to your original thought. I don’t think you need to give them the whole story, but just give them the basic idea.”

Riley nodded, “Okay but how?”

Lucas smiled at her softly, “Well you just tell them that you struggle with anxiety and depression and that the reason you were gone last year was because” Riley could tell that it was hard for him to get the words out

“I tried to commit suicide, but does it have to be today? This weekend has been really hard.”

“Riley, we are always going to do things at your own pace. When you want to tell them you can. I’m not going to pressure you at all”

“Promise?” Lucas had to hold back his laugh as she held up her pinky; he wrapped his pinky around hers and gave them a kiss

“Promise”

Riley gave him a mega-watt smile, “I also had another question”

“So many questions” Riley nudged him as she giggled

“I’ve been talking with my therapist and my parents, and I think I’m going to get a therapy animal. We’ve been talking about it for a while, and based on this weekend I think it would be helpful.”

Lucas nodded, “What do you think would be helpful about it?”

Riley started to swing their hands, “It gives me something else to focus on like what they need, and they’re trained to like know my triggers and like signs of what causes issues for me. So I think it’d be helpful for how extreme my anxiety and depression is”

Lucas nodded and leaned over to kiss her head, “I think that sounds like a great idea for you. Do you know what animal you’d get?”

Riley shrugged, “The main ones are dogs and cats, but I could also get a bunny. I love bunnies.” Lucas chuckled at her, “I have to confirm with my therapist and my parents. But when it’s time will you come with me to pick out my animal?”

“For you? Anything?”


	7. Chapter 7

As they went through their school week it seemed to Lucas that Riley was more anxious than before. Maybe it was because he knew everything now or she in general was more on edge. In their English class they had to pair up with another pair and discuss their latest chapter of The Great Gatsby, Riley only shared and put her input when she directly asked to by name. In addition to the tight grip she had on his hand, showing him even more that she was anxious about having to share with people she wasn’t close to.

As they neared the end of the week Lucas brought up the idea of sharing her story with their friends to Riley just to see where she was on the idea of it.  
“I think I want to do it this weekend.” She stated with a small voice, “I talked to Josh about it and he said he thinks it would be a good idea to. And my parents said we could use the basement.”

Lucas gave her forehead a kiss, “I think that sounds like a great idea, I was actually wondering if you wanted it to be a sleepover. We could do it at my house, my parents already said yes. And that way if you get uncomfortable you can go home.”

Riley gave him a soft look, “Blue, that’s so sweet. I’ll just have to check with my parents to see if its okay.”

Lucas rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “I actually kind of already did, and they liked the idea. They think that the stress of not telling your friends about it is also making you anxious.”

She gave him a big hug, “You are one amazing man Lucas Charles Friar. That is perfect, can we do it Friday night?”

He have her a kiss, “You read my mind”  
–  
Josh drove himself Riley over to Maya and Lucas’ that Friday night for the sleepover. He parked the car and turned toward her, “You alright Bunny?”

Riley nodded and he could tell she was putting on her brave face, “Yeah, it’s gotten easier to tell the more I talk about it and both you and Lucas will be there so it should be good. You wouldn’t let anything super bad happen to your twin sister would you?” Riley gave him her puppy dog eyes

He chuckled and reached over to ruffle her hair, “Of course not, come on Bunny I’m sure Lucas is waiting not so patiently for you”

Riley knocked on the door, which was quickly opened by Lucas’ Dad, he looked almost exactly like Lucas but older Riley greeted him cheerfully, “Hi Mr. Friar! It’s so good to see you again!”

Lucas’ Dad shook his head at her with a smile, “It’s good to see you again Riley, and Lucas has not stopped talking about you. That boy is quiet smitten!”

Riley blushed as Maya’s mom came in, “James you stop that! Oh hi Riley it’s so good to see you again!” Maya’s mom leaned in to give her a hug, which Riley quickly accepted, “The kiddos are in the basement setting up you and Josh can head down.”

Before the could Mr. Friar spoke up, “We figured you’d all sleep on the pull out it’s a king size, or if that’s too much there’s a few chairs. But no funny business”

“Yeah Riley” Josh teased so with a bright red face they walked down the stairs before Lucas could get to his girlfriend Maya was giving her a big squeeze

“I’m so glad we’re doing this, it’s been forever since any of us have had a sleepover of any kind. And I’m really glad you’re here too, makes it more fun we have to do this some other time with no boys.”

Riley nodded, “Yeah Maya that sounds like a blast!” As Riley stated dating Lucas her and Maya had gotten close to, they’d hang out and text each other. Often sending each other goofy snapchats, Riley hoped that wouldn’t change when she told them her story.

Lucas finally got to her and gave her a big hug with sad puppy dog eyes; “Everyone got to greet you before me.”

“Oh poor Luke, would a kiss make up for it” Riley teased slightly, when he nodded she leaned up to kiss him only stopping when Maya and Josh started wolf whistling at them

Riley buried her head in his chest, “You guys stop that!” But that just laughed; soon Zay arrived and shortly after pizza came.  
–  
They had all changed into their PJs and Lucas was wearing his glasses having to had taken out his contacts

Riley couldn’t help but find him even more handsome with them on but she had one pickle, “Hey. How come I’m your girlfriend and I didn’t know you wore glasses?”  
Lucas shrugged, “It never came up”

Maya shook her head, “NO, it’s because he’s embarrassed he doesn’t have 20/20 vision like his sister over here.” She nudged him as Lucas rolled his eyes

Zay shrugged, “Yeah I guess there’s stuff we all don’t know about each other”

Riley was sitting in between Lucas’ legs her back against his chest and in that moment he felt her tense and knew what was coming,

“Yeah guys, there’s something you don’t know…that I um. I want to share with you. I mean Josh knows ‘cause he’s my twin and um Lucas found out last weekend, and I want you guys to know. But I don’t want to lose you as friends because I like having friends.”

Maya leaned over to grab her hand, “Oh Riles, it’s okay whatever it is you can tell us.”

Riley nodded, “So remember last year how I missed so much school?”

Zay nodded and spoke up, “Yeah Josh wouldn’t tell us what was going on, I heard from someone that you were a spy”

Riley chuckled as she wiped a tear from her eye, “Not a spy, I um tried to kill myself.”

There was a collective gasp taken in from the room, even though Josh and Lucas knew and had heard it before it still hurt to hear it again. Before anyone could talk Riley kept going, “I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for what feels like forever, and it just got really bad. My mom found me and then I went to in-patient treatment. That’s where I was for the second half of the year.”

Zay wiped his own face, “So not a spy?”

“No not a spy, just a high schooler with a lot of serious mental health problems” Riley answered, at this point Maya threw herself at Riley it Lucas wasn’t behind her she would have been knocked over

“Oh Honey, I’m so sorry you were going through this battle alone. I love you, please don’t leave”  
Riley hugged her back with no words, and soon enough it became a group hug.  
–  
After a while they separated from their group hug, the gang ate ice-cream sundaes and talked and watched old episodes of Friends. Zay was snuggled up on the chair while Lucas and Riley were cuddled on one side of the bed with Maya and Josh on the other side lying next to each other. Maya was in-between Josh and Riley and on occasion Maya would squeeze her hand. It wasn’t long before Riley was asleep and Maya right after her the two of them holding hands.

The boys continued talking in whispers, Zay turned to Josh and Lucas, “Do you Riley’s going to be okay? She just really got into our lives, I don’t want to loose her.”

Josh nodded, “She’s been doing better overall and I think with you all knowing it’ll help take off some of that anxiety”

Lucas nodded as he kissed Riley’s head, “I think that she’s still going to have her problems but she’s working on it, and I think all we can do is support her.”  
The boys nodded as their conversation switched to other topics before slowly fading out.


	8. Chapter 8

Maya was the first one up she sat up to look around, it was obvious that her and Lucas’ parents had come down when they were asleep. Her and Josh were covered in another blanket, as was Zay. He was snoring lightly and Maya had so suppress her chuckle. When she looked over at her brother her heart melted. Riley was laying almost completely on top on him with her head on his chest and her fingers gripping his shirt. Lucas had both arms wrapped around her waist and his cheek resting on the top of her head. They were covered very slightly with a blue blanket Maya was sure their dad put over them, but in the scuffle of sleep it seemed to have been bunched down.

Maya quickly took a picture and sent it to the group with the caption “look at the love birds”, she crawled out of bed careful not to wake anyone and went upstairs.

Her parents were drinking coffee on the island she gave them both a hug as she turned on the kettle to make some tea.

“’Morning Maya” her Dad greeted her while grabbing her favorite mug from the shelf and handing it to her

“The rest of the gang still asleep downstairs?” Her mom asked

Maya nodded as she prepped her mug, “Yeah but I’m guessing they’ll be up soon, there’s no way though that Riley’s getting up without Lucas. Oh let me show you the picture!” Her parents shuffled in close to see the picture she had snapped of the two.

“They are just too cute for words!”

“Jumpin’ Junebugs, those two are really going for the long hall aren’t they Katy?”

Katy chuckled, “Sleeping together like that, yeah we should just start calling Riley our other daughter already. Gosh send me that picture Maya. Anyway, I was thinking of making waffles for you guys? What do you think?”

At that moment the rest of the gang traipsed up the stairs, Josh and Zay were joking around and laughing about the picture. Lucas was carrying Riley on his back with her arms around his shoulders and legs around his waist.

Maya’s mom was concerned when she saw them, “Oh is everything alright with Riley?”

Lucas and Josh both laughed while Josh answered, “Yeah she’s fine just sleepy and kind of incoherent until she has coffee”

Lucas’ Dad chuckled, “A girl after my own heart, we just made a fresh pot. You kids grab your mugs and help yourselves!”

Lucas nodded as he maneuvered around the kitchen with Riley still on his back, he got her a purple mug and prepped her coffee.

Josh just shook his head at them while Zay cheered Lucas on as he went through the steps before placing Riley on a stool with her coffee, Riley gave Lucas a kiss before he got his own coffee.

Maya sat down next to Riley and nudged her, “Wow he’s putting you before his coffee he must love you a lot”

Riley blushed as she started down at her coffee “Well he likes me enough to let me use him as a pillow, thanks for that picture by the way its my new background”

Maya beamed, “I’m honored!”

The gang laughed and ate breakfast together, Riley had been so worried that telling them would have her end up loosing them but she felt relief as they carried on like normal.

\--

Later that day Maya and Riley were out together shopping, they girls were having a good time chatting on giving each other different clothing options.

As Maya gave Riley a floral dress she thought she’d look good in Riley spoke up. “This is really nice, thanks Maya.”

Maya gave her a confused look, “Thanks for what? We’re friends and its nice to have a close girl friend, the boys are not that much fun to shop with”

Riley nodded, “For that, for being my friend even knowing about all my issues. Like I don’t always respond to your text and most of the times when we hang out we just hang out at home because I’m too tired to get out of the house”

Maya shrugged, “We all got stuff, I love you like you’re my sister which no doubt you will be someday. I’m not going to treat you different for the way your mind works” Before Maya could think or make another movement Riley gave her a big hug,

“Oh Peaches!” Maya smiled and hugged her back, when they were friends in elementary school Riley had called Maya that and it warmed Maya’s heart to hear it again. “You know I love you too right?”

 

Maya nodded, “I do, don’t worry. Lucas told me you were concerned that we were going to leave you once we found out about your stuff.”

Riley nodded, “Yeah, but now I don’t!” Riley beamed as Maya chuckled

“Let’s go try this stuff on, and find an outfit that’ll knock Lucas over!”

The girls laughed as they headed into the dressing room. Unaware of someone listening intently to their conversation

\--

As the normal school week progressed Riley generally felt well, Lucas was with her and always supportive of what she doing or try to do. And her friends and twin were a good distraction at lunch. But Riley had a nagging feeling that someone kept watching her. When she mentioned it to her friends, they told her they’d keep an eye out but so far nothing had come up.

Until Friday near the end of the day, Josh was off to work on his boxing with their grandpa who was in town so Riley was going home with Maya and Lucas. Zay was going to come over and they were going to play some games. Before they left though Maya had to go to the bathroom, so Riley went with her. While Maya was in the stall a girl that Riley did not like much approached Riley, Missy and Riley were never friends and Missy was always a bit rude to Riley.

 

“You know it’s never going to last?”

Riley spurred, “Wh-what are you talking about?”

Missy laughed a cruel laugh, “You and Lucas, and those friends of yours. Sooner or later they’ll get tired of dealing with you. I mean really, you and Lucas go on one date and suddenly your dating? I’ve been trying to get with that since eight grade and there’s no way you little nothing-Riley-Matthews will stay with him”

Riley was in tears now and her breathing was getting shallow, before Missy could start again Maya came out of the stall.

“Missy back the fuck off, my brother has never liked you everyone and their mother knows he’s only had eyes for Riley. And just because you feel entitled to date him doesn’t mean anything. Get your shit together and leave Riley alone” Maya seemed so cool and collected but inside she was filled with rage, Lucas wasn’t the only one with some anger problems.

Missy just smirked cruelly at Riley, “Think about what I said Riley, and don’t worry we’ll talk again soon”

Riley started crying harder once Missy left and once Maya washed her hands she grabbed both her and Riley’s bags and pulled Riley out, “Come on Riles we’ll go see Lucas okay?”

Riley nodded shaking slightly, everything Missy had told Riley was what she was afraid of. She was so in her head about it that she didn’t realize they had made it to the jeep until she was in Lucas’ arms. She realized she was still crying as she tuned into his voice, he was stroking her hair and murmuring words of comfort and promising her what Missy said wasn’t true. Lucas tossed his keys to Maya as he picked up Riley and put her in the back before he climbed in himself.

On the way back to his place Riley had stopped her crying but was still sniffling. 

Katy immediately gave Riley a big hug when she came into the house.

“Oh Riley dear what happened? Did you fall?” When Riley was younger she was quiet clumsy and when her and Maya played Katy was often patching her up

Lucas spoke up angrily, “Some bitch corned her in the bathroom spewing bullshit.”

Katy glared at Lucas but let the swearing go, she knew how upset he was about the situation.

Riley spoke up softly, “It’s okay, and Maya defend me. Thanks Maya”

Maya came over and gave her a hug, “Always Honey”

Zay nodded, “Alright Sugar, do you want to talk about it or do you want to be distracted from it?”

Riley took a moment to think as Lucas came over and took her in his arms, she snuggled her face into his chest as she made her decision “I would like to be distracted, for now. And I want to cuddles”

Zay chuckled, “Well I’m sure Lucas can give you cuddles while we hang out, why don’t we play a game.”

Maya nodded, “That sounds good, let’s play a video game!”

Lucas grabbed Riley’s legs putting them around his waist as he held her closer to his chest, “That sounds like a plan”

They headed down Lucas carrying Riley, “I know you’re still thinking about what she said, but you’re not nothing. To me you’re a princess”


	9. Chapter 9

Riley was generally upset the entire weekend, she couldn’t stop thinking about what Missy had said to the words ringing in her head, “ Sooner or later they’ll get tired of dealing with you.” And her friends weren’t helping with the situation, they all kept checking in on her, sending her funny cat gifs, wanting to hang out. Lucas was extra affectionate, and instead of being able to enjoy it she just felt like a burden. So the Sunday night before school when Riley and her friends were hanging out and Maya brought up how they were all going to help handle the Missy situation she snapped.

“Guys just stop! I can handle it on my own; you guys don’t need to worry about it. I’m fine.”

Lucas gave her a dubious look, “Riley we all know you’re not fine, and that it’s upsetting. Frankly it’s upsetting to me too, because she has no write to talk to my Princess that way.” 

“Okay fine. I’m upset, but you guys don’t need to help me” Riley’s anger subsided for a moment as she got quiet, “I don’t want to burden anyone”

Josh scoffed, “That’s what this is about Riley? Really?” 

Riley shrugged feeling timid under the harsh looks of her friends

Zay spoke up, “Sugar we want to help, you’re our friend. That’s what friends do.” 

Riley just shrugged burrowing into Lucas shoulder, partly embarrassed by what she had said and partly overwhelmed with how much her friends cared for her.   
It only got worse when Lucas started talking at a low volume letting her know what he was saying was for her ears only, “Riley, there is nothing you can say or do that will stop us caring about you. Me especially, we’re in this relationship Riley because we care about each other. And that means that when you’re upset, or someone’s being a role bitch to you that I’m going to everything in my power to help. So we can just add that to the things you’re working on. Because I’m not going anywhere.” 

Riley was speechless in that moment, she quietly nodded burrowing now into his chest. He kissed her head and stroked her hair as their conversation moved to other topics.   
\--  
Back at school Riley saw an influx of Missy, she always seemed to be around. But so was Lucas and with Lucas around Missy didn’t dare say anything rude to the brunette. Riley received an endless amount of dirty looks when Lucas wasn’t looking but he was always in contact with her. His arm around her shoulder, hand in hers, arm slug over her hip hand in her pocket, pulling her into a hug Riley wasn’t sure if it was for her benefit or if Lucas was just generally a touchy person but either way she wasn’t complaining. As long as Lucas was with her she felt safe, but on Wednesday Lucas started to not feel well. His hands felt clammy and his color looked off on Thursday, so on Thursday night when he threw up while hanging out with Riley she knew he wouldn’t be at school that next day. He tried to convince her he was fine as they sat in the bathroom and she rubbed his back.

“See I’m fine Riley, it’s all out of my system and I’m-“ he was cut off by another wave of dry heaving hit him. Lucas had given up on trying to get Riley to leave the bathroom.

Riley shook her head as she ran her hand against his forehead, he was warm and she knew he felt awful. “Blue, you know your parents aren’t going to let you come. And I don’t want you to come to school if you’re sick like this, it’ll only make you feel worse” 

“But what about Mis-“ This time he did end up heaving something out Riley handed him some mouthwash as he came back to her side and laid his head in her lap   
“Missy will be Missy, I can handle it and so can our friends. But you need to stay home and rest.” 

Lucas was too exhausted to argue anymore so he nodded his head as he turned in her lap to snuggle his face into her stomach and wrap his arms around her waist.   
They sat there on the ground for a bit, Lucas snuggled into Riley’s lap as she stroked his hair and wondered how she was going to make it through Friday.  
\--  
She hadn’t seen Missy in the morning, and was hoping that meant that Missy had not made it to school. Her friends tried to walk with her between classes but it was hard, by the time her third class rolled around she was feeling okay. But on Riley’s way to lunch her fears came true. Out of nowhere Missy grabbed her arm roughly causing the brunette to yell out in pain. Students turned but no one was sure what was going on because no one knew Riley, and it only took a moment for Missy to drag her into the bathroom.

Before Riley could speak Missy was all up on her face, “Listen here Riley. Eventually Lucas is going to get tired of you because what he really needs is a girl like me. I bet he’s not here today because he’s tired of you and needed a break. God you’re pathetic, you can’t even do anything right.”

Riley shook her head choking back tears, “He’s not here because he was throwing up” 

Missy rolled her eyes, “Probably because he’s been with you. Lucas needs a real woman, someone who doesn’t just miss half a year of school with no explanation. Someone who can give him what he needs, I bet you guys haven’t even done anything.” 

Riley’s eyes got big, she was not ready for that step and Lucas hadn’t even brought it up. “We-“

But Missy was on a role still up in Riley’s face, “God. I bet you aren’t even a good kisser.” A weird look crossed Missy’s face as Riley saw her look down at her lips, her voice got quieter as she spoke again, “What does he even see in you?” Missy shook her head before shoving Riley into the wall. “Just think about what I said Riley, I’m sure we’ll have a chat again soon.” 

Riley slid down the wall as tears slid down her face, she hated Missy. She hated how Missy made her feel and she missed Lucas. She thought about just staying in the bathroom but her friends were texting her wondering where she was. They’d obviously texted Lucas because he too had texted her,   
“You okay Princess?” It made her cry harder and she decided she was just going to leave for the rest of the day. She was going to go home and cry in the bath. She got her stuff and walked out of school, sending a mass text to everyone about her intentions.

\--  
When she got home she started a bath put on her fluffily robe and queued up some Netflix. Her mom knocked on the door and Riley let her in as the bath filled.   
“How you doing sweetie?” Topanga asked softly

Riley shrugged, “Really tired, and just sad.”

Topanga nodded, “Anything I can do to help?”

Riley shook her head, “its just Missy, along with the other issues. But that’s all stuff I have to handle on my own.” 

Topanga nodded and kissed her head, “Well let me know if you need anything” 

Riley assured her she would and her mother walked out and shut the door.   
\--  
At diner Riley was still feeling very tired, her eyes were drooping and she wasn’t engaging. Her dad had tried to ask her a question but when he didn’t get a response he reached out to rub her arm, causing her to flinch

“Oh sorry Dad, I didn’t hear you I’m just really tired” 

Cory nodded, “That’s what I was trying to ask sweetie, after diner do you want to just go to bed? We won’t be offended if you skip out on the movie night.”

Riley nodded, “That sounds like a good idea, I just want to sleep. I don’t the energy for anything.”

After she cleared her place she hugged her parents and brother and snuggled up in bed, Riley texted Lucas a goodnight even though it was only 9 and drifted off.   
She wasn’t asleep long before she felt someone slip into her room, figuring it was her parents she snuggled deeper into the covers. A hand petting her hair caused her to open her eyes, “Lucas?” She spoke drowsily 

Lucas gave her a soft smile “Hey I missed you today” 

Riley looked at the clock behind his head, “It’s 10:30, I’m sleepy”

Lucas nodded still stroking her hair smiling as she closed her eyes; “Well my parents said I could come see you since I’m feeling better and my fevers gone. And your parents said that you were having a rough time, and that if I wanted. And you let me I could sleep over?” 

Riley scooted over and gestured to get in, he slipped in easily and Riley snuggled into his chest. 

“Mhmm you’re nice and warm I feel so cold,” Riley mumbled as she tried to get as close as possible 

Lucas gave her a curious look, “You’re cold you feel toasty?”

But Riley was already fading back out into sleep and didn’t respond but mumbled incoherently into Lucas’ chest. Lucas chuckled and kissed her head before letting himself drift into sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Lucas spent the weekend with Riley, the next morning stopping briefly at home to get clothes. Riley gave him a drawer to keep pajamas, though she also told him that it was really just adding to her wardrobe. She had already taken one of the few shirts he had brought with him to wear around for the weekend, though Lucas had to admit she looked a lot better in it than him. When he told her that she giggled and her already flushed face became a little darker.

They spent time the two of them that weekend, Riley was exhausted and when they weren’t doing homework or talking she was asleep. She seemed to be in a perpetual state of flush, and in general she just seemed a little warm. She told Lucas that it was all her napping and his snuggles but he wasn’t so sure. They were snuggling in her bed before school Sunday night when Lucas finally brought up the Missy situation.

“Is there anything I can do to make it better for you?” Lucas asked gently stroking her hair

“Mmm, don’t stop petting me it feels nice” Riley hummed as her eyes closed, though Lucas stopped his hand “Heyy” Riley whined

“I’ll keep ‘petting’ you if you answer my questions” Lucas said with a slight teasing tone 

“Fine, I think that if you just keep doing what you’ve been it’ll be okay. She doesn’t seem to want to mess with me when you’re around” 

Lucas had returned to the petting and twirled some hair around a finger before releasing it again, “Why do you think that is Princess” Lucas didn’t get Missy at all

Riley sighed, “Because she wants you to like her, duh”

“What”

Riley nodded, “Yeah she wants you to like her, so she doesn’t do it around you so that you don’t see her like that. Maybe she thinks that I don’t tell you anything or that you don’t believe me but I don’t know.”

The two lapsed into silence before Riley spoke up again, “Lucas I’m tired”

He kissed her head and started petting her hair again knowing it gave her comfort, “I know Princess” Lucas knew that it wasn’t sleepy tired, mentally tired they had many long conversations about it. Especially when she woke up in the middle of the night, she always tried not to wake him up but he did anyway sensing her distress.   
Riley nuzzled his chest and breathed in his scent and before long both of them drifted off to sleep.

\--

As the week started things seemed to be mostly back to normal, Missy was around more than either of them would have thought. But she didn’t do anything but glare at Riley. As the week went on Riley seemed to droop more and more, she kept telling everyone she was fine. But when Lucas put his arm around her she leaned heavily on him. And Lucas was sure she had a fever, but every time he tried to say something about it to the others she’d talk over him or leave the area. It wasn’t unlikely she had gotten sick from him.

When he asked Josh about it he rolled his eyes, “She’s so dumb about it. She doesn’t get sick often. But when she does it hits her really hard, so she pretends she’s not. She does everything in her power to be fine until she literally can’t anymore”

Lucas gave him a face, “That’s so dumb”

Josh shrugged, “Maybe, I think she’s just tired of feeling like everyone’s problem you know.” 

“But she’s not a problem!”

Josh nodded, “Yeah we see it that way, but you know Riley doesn’t. So when she’s sick physically she also still has all the other mental stuff going on. It’s hard on her, we try to just be there for her because really that’s all we can do”   
\--  
By Thursday Lucas knew Riley was sick and wasn’t sure how she even got out of the house she was pale and clammy he was basically the only thing holding her up. It didn’t help that they had an encounter with Missy during lunch that day; she had bumped into them ‘accidently’ almost knocking Riley over and trying to get closer to Lucas. He gave her a hard look and didn’t say anything as he drew Riley closer to him. His mood was not improved either when Charlie Gardner had picked up her ID that had fallen out of her pocket.

God he hated that kid. Charlie had always been vocal to the boys in their grade about liking Riley; he had even asked Riley out once. And though she declined Lucas had the suspicion that Charlie still liked his girlfriend. Though Riley barley acknowledged him too tired to even open her eyes from Lucas’ shoulder she slurred a thanks and after Charlie had tried to sit down next to her but luckily Josh beat him to it. 

Today could not be over soon enough, luckily he was driving Riley back to her place where he was sure she would be staying for the next few days. Until she startled him hitting his arm,

“Riley wha-“

“Lucas pull over I’m going to” Her hand went up to her mouth and Lucas quickly pulled onto the side of the road. 

Riley practically fell out of the car as she let loose the contents of her stomach. When it seemed like it had stopped he picked her up and put her in the Jeep bringing her home, as soon as he opened the door she was dashing to the bathroom and before she could slam the bathroom door in his face he had muscled his way in. He held her hair back form her face as anything in her body was being forced out; he rubbed her back as she finally sat back tears streaming down her face.

“Hey, don’t cry it’s okay” Lucas tried to comfort her

But Riley was already sobbing harder “It’s not oaky. I hate throwing up and I hate being sick. I tried really hard not to be Lucas, I promise. But it’s just the way I am. I hate it” Before Lucas could ask what she meant she was back at the toilet again, her body trying to get rid of anything it had she lagged back from the toilet and made a sound before her eyes closed and everything went black for her. 

Lucas panicked he didn’t know what to do lucky Topanga was just walking through the door, he explained what happened Topanga quickly got herself together and directed Lucas.

“You pick up Riley, we’re taking her to the hospital. That’s what we had to do last time” 

Lucas got panicky, “Last time?”

Topanga tried to give him a reassuring smile but she couldn’t manage it, “I’ll explain on the way let’s go”


	11. Chapter 11

They had made it to the hospital, where Riley had been admitted and after a while Lucas was permitted to see her. Topanga was talking with the doctor who was their family friend Rachel McGuire. She had seen Riley ‘last time’ and knew what to do and how to handle the situation. Lucas was grateful, if someone hadn’t known what to do with his unconscious girlfriend he would have lost it right there. 

Lucas sat down and lifted her hand to his mouth giving it a soft kiss, “Ri you can’t not take care of yourself life that, I know don’t want anyone to worry or have to take care of you. But I need you Ri, please” 

Topanga had explained in the car that a little bit before Riley had ended up in treatment she had gotten similar sick the year before. But because she didn’t take any care of herself, the lack of fluids in her system and lack of nutrients in her body had lead to her loosing consciousness. She wasn’t sure how bad it was this time, last time Riley had to spend the night in the hospital. Lucas had already promised himself that if she did have to spend the night there, he would too. 

Just then Rachel walked in, “Well Lucas Friar I wish we were meeting under better circumstances but it’s nice to meet the young man who has captured my niece’s heart. You can call me Rachel or Dr. Rachel if that makes you more comfortable.” 

Lucas nodded and thanked her, hoping she would shed some light on the state of his girlfriend.

Rachel got right into it, “I’ll give you the basics of what’s going on with Riley. It’s kind of like the last time, where she didn’t take care of herself. She’s extremely dehydrated and he blood sugar is very low. We probably could just keep her tonight and send her home, but me and Topanga both agree that she would just end up back here again the next time she’s sick”

 

Lucas nodded, “Well yeah, but how do we help her to see that?”  
Rachel smiled kindly at Lucas, “I’m not sure if you know this, but because of her past experiences Riley really hates being in the hospital says it makes her ‘itchy’, so I spoke with her therapist and she’s going to come talk with Riley tomorrow while she’s in here and they’re going to come up with some ways in which Riley can take care of herself” 

Lucas nodded it sounded like a good plan, “But we’re also hoping you’ll help too Lucas.”

“Me?” Lucas voice cracked as he spoke and he tried to cover it with a cough 

“You” Rachel nodded, “We all know that this is Riley’s mental health impacting her physical health. And yes her therapist is a wonderful lady and can help Riley a lot. But it would also be really helpful if you talked to her about how this situation made you feel. Riley cares a lot about you and how what she does affects you so just be honest with her kid”

Lucas nodded finding hard to form words as he tried to get his thoughts together.  
\--  
Riley woke up a few hours later dazed and confused, Lucas saw her looking around the room and he saw the moment she realized where she was her eyes got really big and made like she was going to take her IV out. 

“Ri don’t” Lucas spoke realizing in that moment Riley hadn’t clocked him when she was sweeping the room figuring out where she was. His voice relaxed her slightly Lucas saw her shoulders unclench 

“Why am I here Luke?” Riley asked her voice sounded hoarse and worn thin 

“Well when you don’t take care of yourself this is what happens” Lucas tried to keep the anger and bitterness out of voice but it seeped through anyway and he saw Riley flinch 

“W-what do you mean” Riley asked timidly playing with the blanket covering her

“Riley, you had the flu. You should have been staying home and taking care of yourself. Drinking water for god’s sake! Letting people know that you been throwing up and couldn’t keep food down!” Lucas knew his voice was raised but in that moment he didn’t care, he was pissed at Riley 

Riley wiped away small tears coming out her eyes, “I-I’m sorry Luke, are you mad at me?” She started to cry in earnest, “I-I know I f-fucked up, but please Luke don’t leave”  
Lucas looked at her in shock, “Of course I’m not going to leave, why would you think that?”

Riley shrugged tears still streaming down her face, “B-because you already have to do with the fact that I’m majorly depressed and anxious and n-now I’ve ended myself in the h-hospital because I got s-sick. E-even though that’s why I didn’t want to tell you. I don’t want to be a burden”

Lucas sighed, “Oh Riley, you are the most important person of my life. We all have our issues, I don’t mind helping you with yours. But you have to let me know what’s going on Riley. You can’t leave me in the dark, and seeing you hear like this really upsets me. I know we haven’t talked about it a lot, and that’s on me. But it made me so mad Riley; I’m honestly surprised I didn’t end up breaking something. But the fact that you ended up in here when we could’ve prevented it makes me furious and I just GOD.” Riley jumped at his outburst as Lucas stood up knocking over his chair, she reached for his hand and he sat back down. “Riley we all have our stuff, but you have to let me help you with it. Alright?”

“Alright” Riley answered sniffling a little, “Do I get to go home tonight? I-I really hate the hospital”

Lucas shook his head; “Rachel wants you to say overnight so that your therapist can come talk to you tomorrow. While you’re here” 

Riley sighed and wiped more tears away, “I guess that make sense. Will you come see me tomorrow?” 

Lucas raised his eyebrows, “I’ll be here tomorrow, but that’s because I’m not leaving tonight” Riley gave Lucas a gentle smile as the two settled in to a regular conversation trying to ignore the scene of the hospital around them.


	12. Chapter 12

It had been a week since Riley’s incident in the hospital, and everyone had hoped that things would be back to normal but they weren’t. Riley was still a little sick and overall weak from the experience. Riley also just seemed overall upset, and her friends felt that she wasn’t telling them what was going on. It was a particular issue between her and Lucas recently.

Riley was working on her homework in her room and she cringed thinking of the argument her and Lucas had a few hours earlier.

“Riley I can tell something is bothering you, just tell me what it is so I can help”

“Lucas, I told you there’s nothing. I’m just upset, okay?” Lucas gave her a look,

“I know there’s more to it than that Riley”

“Well then you must know my inner thoughts better than I do! Can’t just accept that if there was something wrong I’d tell you?” Riley huffed

“Not after last time I can’t” As soon as the words left his mouth Lucas knew he fucked up, tears were streaming down Riley’s face. He knew she felt bad about the incident and was trying to work on it. “-Riley I didn’t mean-“

Riley dried her face, “I think its best if you leave Lucas.”

“Riley-“ But she had already turned around and was paying no attention to him and he knew it.

Riley just felt upset at the whole situation, and she tried to remember what her and Joanne had talked about. Sometimes you feel more the one thing, its good to take a moment and write about it or think about what you’re feeling and what’s causing it.

Riley sighed, sometimes she really hated dealing with herself, but she pulled out her journal and her favorite purple pen and got to writing

–

Lucas felt like a moron, he just wanted to love and support her but he royally messed up. He knew Riley was working on her emotions and being more open, it didn’t happen over night. He groaned again, he felt like such an ass. He had to think of a way to make it up to her. He grabbed his keys and told his parents he’d be back soon.

–

The next day at school Riley was not looking great or feeling great, she hadn’t been able to fall asleep last night and spent a lot of the time crying. Her eyes were puffy and her face was blotchy despite her best efforts with make-up. She was getting stuff out of her locker when she felt a tap on the shoulder, she was hoping it was Lucas but when she turned she was faced with none other than Charlie Gardner.

“Oh hi Charlie” Riley tried to smile but she could tell it didn’t reach her eyes

“Hi Riley!” Charlie’s smile did reach his eyes, it was no secret that Charlie had a crush on Riley since forever, and Riley was always kind enough to him but she never returned his affection. That didn’t stop him from trying though, “I just wanted to see if you need anything? I didn’t see Lucas” Charlie said her boyfriends name with such maliace that Riley frowned at him.

“Oh he texted me he was running a few minuets late, see there he is now” They both turned and Riley smiled at him. But Lucas frowned back seeing Charlie with Riley it looked like Charlie was trying to put his arm around Riley but she was too focused on Lucas to notice.

“I’ll see you later Charlie!” Riley said quickly as she skipped over to her beau and gave him a big hug that he quickly returned

“I’m so sorry about last night, really there’s nothing going wrong. I’m just still upset about last week. And I don’t want you to think that I’m not sharing with you”

“Oh Riley, I know. I’m sorry I snapped I’m just worried about you. And I know you’re not always going to tell me what’s going on but I got you something that you can tell things to when you don’t want to tell me, if you want it.” Riley’s eyes got big and she bit her lip, she never wanted to seem spoiled but it made a certain part of her all warm when people thought about her enough to get her something. From Lucas’ backpack he pulled out a stuffed purple bunny, with flower pattering in it’s floppy ears and on the pads of its feet.

Riley had to hold back tears, “It’s made by Jellycat so its extra soft, and I know you wanted to be a bunny farmer for a while and well”

“Oh Lucas!” Riley cried, taking it from his hands, “I love it, she’s going to be my special friend. I think I’ll call her Rosie!” Riley smiled up at him “If that’s okay with you?”

Lucas chuckled, “You don’t need my permission to name your bunny”

Riley nodded blushing, “I know but I want you to like it too because Rosie is going to be around for a long while. “

Lucas chuckled and Riley stood on her tip toes angling her head up, Lucas smirked and leaned down to kiss her knowing its what she wanted

–

The rest of the day went smoothly, Lucas saw Riley a few times stroking Rosie from her back pack when she thought no one was looking. And it made his heart warm that she liked his gift. Missy tried to get his attention a few times during the day but he only had eyes for Riley.

On the other hand , Lucas started to notice just how many classes they had with Charlie Gardner and he was not a fan. Charlie kept trying to get Riley’s attention all day but she either didn’t notice or didn’t want to encourage him.

When they sat down for lunch Riley was bouncing up and down dying to show everyone her bunny.

“Look what Lucas got me!” Riley showed everyone before crashing it into her chest, sure people were looking on but most everyone was smiling at seeing Riley and Lucas so happy.

“Well that’s adorable Sugar” Zay said, “Hey Lucas why didn’t you get me a bunny? I thought we had something man” Riley just giggled and snuggled her bunny.

Maya interrupted her snuggling with her bunny, and Riley leaned into Lucas “What’s up with Gardner. He’s been looking over here more than normal, same with Missy.”

“I don’t like that Gardner fellow” Lucas grumbled and Riley shrugged

“He kind of gives me the creeps but he’s never done anything wrong. So I don’t know.”

Josh nodded, “Same I always got a weird feeling too.”

Zay shrugged, “I always thought he was cute, but I get it.”

Riley shrugged, “As long as he doesn’t turn into another Missy it’ll be fine. And also if any of you mess with Rosie you die.”

The gang chuckled, but something about the look Charlie had made Lucas tighten his hold on Riley just a bit. But she was too enamored with her rabbit and snuggling into him to notice.


	13. Chapter 13

Well Riley’s new stuffed animal definitely helped her mood improve slightly; she still didn’t seem to be herself. She was trying her hardest to share and be more upbeat but she was still just sad. Her friends tried to cheer her up, trying to do things they knew she liked and tried to make her smile and she did. But she was quiet, always snuggling Rosie or Lucas. Most people at school thought it was adorable that Lucas had gotten her a rabbit, and many couples had gotten on their partners about stepping up their game. But Charlie Gardner was not amused; on more than one occasion Lucas caught Charlie glaring at the stuffed bunny. He thought about saying something, but instead he just gave Charlie a smirk when he caught his eye. That seemed to enrage Charlie more.

“Hey Riles” Lucas asked her one day at lunch rubbing her arm softly as she leaned on him, she hummed in response slightly sleepy, “Have you noticed Charlie glaring at Rosie or is just me?”

Before Riley could respond Maya was speaking up, “Oh my gosh yes! It’s like he’s trying to destroy it with the laser eyes he doesn’t have.”

Riley rolled her eyes, “Yeah I’ve seen it, I just try to ignore it. I know he’s mad were a couple because he likes me but I’ve made it abundantly clear that I do not like him. And besides I love you so it doesn’t even matter”

Lucas beamed the way he always did when she said stuff like that and kissed her head while she continued, “And Missy glares at Rosie too, like it’s somehow going to break us up if she gets rib of my rabbit.”

Lucas scoffed, “Well I already chose you so she can back of” Riley smiled and snuggled into Lucas more and yawned, “Did you sleep at all last night Ri?”

Riley shrugged, which Lucas knew, meant no, he shared a look with his friends around the table and they all sighed. It was obvious at this point that Riley wasn’t getting better even though she was trying. Lucas had talked to Josh to see if medication was an option, but Josh wasn’t sure and told him that it was something he’d have to take it up with Riley. And that was exactly what he was going to do.

–

Riley was snuggled in Lucas’ lap after diner, she had eaten over at his house tonight and planning on spending the night as was Josh later. Their parents were in the city for a business diner and they were staying at a hotel, it didn’t bother Josh to stay in the house without his parents but it made Riley even more anxious than normal. So they both opted to stay at the Friar-Hart household for the night. Lucas was stroking Riley’s hair giving her a worried look, she hadn’t been eating much again even when he asked and tried to feed her. He sighed, “Hey Ri? When you were in treatment did they talk about medication?”

Riley gave him a bit of a side eye, but then huffed a little “They did, but when I refused to take it or talk about it they stopped trying to push it.”

Lucas nodded thoughtful, still stroking her hair “And what about now?”

Riley gave him a confused look, “What do you mean what about now?”

“I mean, have you thought about going on medication now? I know it helps many people, and you’re doing everything you should be to be feeling better. I know yoga’s helped too. But it just seems like you should be in a better place”

Riley started to fidget in his lap and he kissed her head, “I haven’t really thought about it” Riley took a deep breath, “Okay that’s not true I have. Because you’re right I’m doing everything right and I sill feel like shit. I’m having more bad days than good days and it just feels like I’m in a funk that I can’t get out of.”

Lucas nodded, “Have you talked to your therapist about it?”

Riley shrugged, “I mentioned the idea of it but then we mostly talked about why I was so resilient to it when I was in treatment, not about how I might want to try it again”

“And why did you not want to do it in treatment?”

Riley leaned her head back looking at the ceiling ceasing Lucas’ stroking of her hair “I already felt crazy and messed up, taking medication for it just made me feel like it was solidifying my crazy. And I still feel like that sometimes, like I’m just a messed up person and medication might not even help.”

Lucas nodded, “I get that, but I think at this point you’ve tried your best without it and you’re still not better. Why not just give it a try?”

Riley leaned forward and kissed him, “Thank you”

Lucas was a little dazed by the kiss but he managed to get his thoughts together, “For what?”

“For talking about it with me, and stroking my hair because you know how much I love that.” Lucas smiled and kissed her again, “Is there anything else you want to talk about tonight before we go to bed and I use you as a pillow?”

Lucas chuckled, “Well there’s this dance coming up, and I was wondering if you’d want to be my date?”

Riley chuckled, “Lucas we’re dating, of course I’ll be your date. I wouldn’t say yes to anyone else.”

Lucas beamed kissing her again, and Riley allowed herself to be lost in Lucas until they heard a thought clearing both turned to find Josh giving them a look.

“Really guys? Can’t you do that in Lucas’ bedroom or something?” He laughed and dodged the pillow Riley threw at him before grabbing Lucas’ hand and pulling him up.

“Come on Lucas, let’s go to bed where we can finish this.” She winked and Lucas tried to ignore the red rushing to his face and the look Josh was giving him as he followed Riley upstairs.


End file.
